Blood.Red.Jewel

uh huh

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 04:02:51 GMT

it sucks when you've waited for a phone call ALL NIGHT and they never call you.

i smell oatmeal, wtf

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 23:10:16 GMT

Number 1's name: Shane
Number 2's name: Amber
Number 3's name: Felicia
Number 4's name: DiAnna
Number 5's name: KC
Number 6's name: Sam
Number 7's name: Nick
Number 8's name: David (LUUT)

Starting with #8.
How long have you known him/her? : Since he was born and since i was 3
What is your favorite thing about him/her?: He kills spiders for me and opens pickle jars when i can't, even if the juice goes all over his shirt LOL!!
Would s/he defend you in a fight?: yes, him and his whole GANG!
What do you talk about mostly?: school and whatnot
Ever had a crush on him/her?: he's my brother!!
Do you know his/her family?: yes, his family is mine too

#7
What do you like about him/her?: He is nice
How old is s/he?: 19
Do you have her phone number: no i don't, and he's a HE not a HER
Is s/he good looking?: yeah well he's not ugly lol!
What do you have in common with him/her?: we both like spongebob and according to Sam, we both talk about our pet fish haha

#6
Why is s/he on your top 8?: Cuz he's a good friend
Do you love him/her?: yep, as a friend
Are you pretty close?: yes
What color hair does s/he have?: black
Would you change anything about him/her?: no, i wouldn't wanna change anyone cuz then they wouldnt be THEM

#5
How often do you see him/her?: once or twice a week
Do you have inside jokes?: sorta... *WINK*, eye jay!
Does h/she tell you his/her secrets?: i think he's told me a few =)
Do you have fun hanging out?: yes
Has s/he ever made you mad?: when he let Paul read the text messages I sent him.. JKJK

#4
What is her nickname?: Jessie lol
What is one thing you do together a lot?: walk, talk, go to the mall
Are you two good friends?: YES
Have you ever used this person?: no!
Have you ever liked him/her?: as a friend!

#3
What word would describe #3?: adorable (in a non gay way)
Why is s/he your #3?: 1 of my best friends, 1 of mah womaans!
Have you ever done anything crazy toghether?: pretended to be lesbian together to freak out these sleezeballs at the Greendale Mall LOL!
How long have you known eachother?: almost 3 years now!
Have you always been friends?: no cuz we met when i was a sophomore

#2
Is s/he cute?: in a non gay way haha
Does s/he have a nickname for you?: WOMAN
Is s/he really one of your best friends?: of course!!
Are you comfortable around him/her?: so comfortable lol
Do you understand eachother?: verrry well cuz we go through some of the same crap!

#1
Is s/he your best friend?: my loverrr
Why do you love him/her?: cuz he's Superman and he's great
How many times a week do you hang out?: not enough
Have you ever gone skinny dipping together?: lol no
Do you finish eachother's sentences?: no

Couples
2 & 8? NO!
4 & 7? couldn't see that happening. ever.
3 & 2? omg the 2 womans?? NO
5 & 6? fuck no
1 & 2: no bitches he's mine!

What would you do....
What would you do if #2 turned into a frog: omg i'd be like WOMAN!!
What would you do if #1 moved: i'd hope it was closer to NH
What would you do if u saw #6 & #3 making out: fuckin... hell would break loose
How bout #7 & #1? i'd be like O.O
What would you do if #4 slept over?: be like YAAY!
What would you do if #8 died: cry alot

Would you rather.......
kiss #3 or#6? -__-
spend a whole day with #5 or # 8? 5 only cuz i see 8 everyday no offence lut lol
hug # 2 or kiss # 4: hug 2
make out with #1 or #6: 1 =D
Look like #4 or # 5: 4.. shes at least a GIRL
sleep with #7 or #5: -__-

Are they in order of who you like the best?: not necessarily
Who is attractive and who is not?: they all are haha
Who gets on your nerves the most?: no one really
Have you kissed any of them?: yep
Who is the best dancer?: KC probably
Have you slept at any of their houses?: most of them yes
Who do you see the most?: 8 lol
Have you traveled with any of them?: yes
Who do you want to hang out with next?: 1
Who was the last person you hung out with?: 6
Who lives the closest to you?: 8
Who is the tallest?: 6
Who do you tell everything to?: 1, 2, 3, 4 =D

<333

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 01:00:34 GMT

It feels like I just got a huge hug from him on the phone.

ffds'ds;fn dkg dkfn askdf

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 04:08:58 GMT

*sigh* I need to stop worrying so much. But maybe if there weren't so many opportunities to worry, I WOULDN'T! >__<

He told me to call him tomorrow, so that's a sure-fire sign he wants to talk to me. He's so confusing... which in it's own weird way, is hot.

hmm

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 02:28:31 GMT

Ok so new layout and icons, woohoo!

Icon = Ranma. I love that series. Anyways...
Like I thought, today wasn't so great. Sam DID however surprise me with orange flowers in a vase for NO reason!! <33 and we went out to lunch to Quiznos. But yeah I felt so boring or something because we got back to my house and there was nothing to do. He stayed for maybe 2 hours and then just sorta got up and left. ....to probably go home and do nothing there too. =(

I just don't know. I mean we're suppossed to go to NH for a couple days sometime soon in a few weeks, and I just hope to God nothing happens to get in the way of that.

I also realized from looking at really old journals at like GreatestJournal.com and stuff, that I was alot happier back THEN. Now I'm so depressing and shit and I hate it.

Well goodnight all.
Much love.

Iloveusam<3

uhhuh

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 05:28:05 GMT

i'm home from Maine now. I SO wish John went. We've been talking more though which I like alot. I'm seeing Sam tomorrow, I'm happy. ... But I have this weird, gut feeling it's not gonna turn out so well. =( I hate feeling this way.

IN MAINE!

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 23:41:08 GMT

Yep. In Maine right now at my uncle's motel just chillin. I managed to find some internet connection with my laptop that usually never gets connection lol. And apparently someone wants to know where I am and they miss my entries, so that's really why I wrote this haha. Who they are, I don't know.

So it's been pretty fun so far. I got SO brown!! I've been swimming every single day, the beach twice and I love boogy boarding. I spent more money than I ever needed to. I went to the drive ins lastnight and saw Harry Potter 5 even though I saw it a couple weeks ago with my Sammy. And today we went to the beach and mini golfing but omg mini golfing was SO damn hot. =( But it was fun. Now I'm just waiting for my mom to email me my Chester College schedule stuff. =D

OOH and me and Sam are planning to go to NH for a couple days, just us 2, annd it's gonna be soo fun!! We already planned out what we're gonna do and everything. So I'm excited about that.

Ok well I'm gonna go. BYE

hahaahaa...

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 03:10:17 GMT

I just fuckin spent 3 or 4 hours cleaning my entire room. Like cleaned out my drawers and shit that had PILES of school work from 10th grade in it.. I found some wicked funny pictures too lol!! But yeah, I LOVE feeling cleeean! My mom also put in my AC so my room is the ultimate place for me to be right now. (Wishing Sam was here).. but I get to see him tomorrow!! He better pick up the phone when I call. -__-

Tomorrow I'm working and I wanna get a stuffed animal hammock. They're taking up more of the bed than I am now.

<3 me

Writer's Block: Who's in your neighborhood

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 03:14:08 GMT

How well do you know your next-door neighbors?

The neighbors on my left I know are a young couple who are now selling the house actually. We used to be such close friends with Pete and Robin (who lived there before) but they moved awhile ago.

The ones to our right, well they're kind of old and I never see much of them. David cuts their grass once a week.

The ones right across the street... they're weird.

The ones next to them... used to be best friends with him till he got into drugs.

This song is my theme song.

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 04:33:31 GMT

It's how I feel in a song.
It could either describe physical or mental abuse, which I really love about this song because it has a flexible meaning depending on your situation.

In my case, it's mental.

Face Down, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Hey girl (man) you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.

Cover up with make up in the mirror (covering up that I was crying)
tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely drown
I see what's going down.

I see the way you go and say your right again,
say your right again
heed my lecture

Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down a new life she has.

One day she will tell you that she has had enough
its coming round again.
its coming round again.

Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the grown?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.

Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..
Face down in the dirt she says, this doesn't hurt she says I finally had enough..

mhhmm

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 16:46:34 GMT

Sam and I are back together and have been for a while now but I kept it low,
But I can't help but just wanna tell the world.
He let me drive his car yesterday and borrow it for the night as long as I picked him up from work!
Today is my 2nd grad party, but this time it's from my dad's side of the family.

THE END!
I love you Sam!!!!

Writer's Block: Words that you love and hate

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 06:01:21 GMT

What are your favorite and least favorite words? Any reasons why?

This is the best question haha!

Favorite word: Shoebox. Why? Because I love the sound of "SH" and the "X". So when they occur in the same word, it's double the goodness!

Least Favorite word: Moist. Think about what it means!! Not wet but not dry either.. it reminds me of mold. And it just grosses me out to say it. "Moy" just sounds disgusting. and "ST". ugggh. I don't know, that's my reason for that. It doesn't make much sense but it's the only way I can describe it.

WOOO!!!

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 05:21:17 GMT

WHAT A DAY.

8:00 AM- My alarm on my cell phone went off.
8:35 AM Got my ass in the shower.
10:00 AM on the DOT- Sam came to pick me up.

From there, we went to Borders originally just to read, but we were both hungry so we went to the Cafe thing inside and had ourselves a REAL good sandwich!! Then we read books for a little. Manga of course ^__^

11:35- We went to the movies and saw Pirates of the Carribean 3. It, like the 2nd one, dragged on till now tomorrow. -__- But all in all it was an ok movie hehe, better than the 2nd, we both agreed.

Stuff happened. Ask me if you wanna know!

3:30- Sam brought me home cuz he had to work at 4.
I ate dinner and whatnot...

Then me and my mom went to Best Buy and I bought an MP3 player!! FINALLY! 70 bucks. Not bad.
At first it wouldn't let me add ANY songs... but after messing with it for 2 hours, I finally figured out how to get em on from Windows Media Player 11. =)

I drew a new picture today. Just a sketch. =D

I talked to Chris for 2 hours lastnight on the phone!! He wants to hang out sometime next week... and tomorrow's his birthday so I'm gonna sing him Happy Birthday on a voicemail!

Let's see... Tomorrow, Thursday and Friday night I'm working for 5 hours... ew. good money though. Thursday before work I'm hanging out with Sam again! Then on Saturday I'm doing another photoshoot with Tony again. He wants to buy me steak too ahahaha! SO FUN!

ok i'm done.

Graduation's hitting me just now.

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 04:02:48 GMT

it is.

Kasey was talking to me, Sam and Amber at Burger King tonight and he was saying how he'll probably never see any of us again after this summer. =( It REALLY made me think about crap though. Like, I can't believe I'm not going to Tahanto again this August. I'll be in New Hampshire. Away from all my friends.

I will never forget you.
Even if we never talk again, I'll still have on true memory of us.
I need to make a book of just my friends from highschool.
Have their name and picture at the top of the page,
Then a few things about them on the rest of it.

=( I'll miss you guys.. Kasey, Brett and Sam, I really appreciate you guys coming today even if you had barely any sleep, and Brett for riding your bike all the way here. And everyone else for coming.

I'll be your guardian angel.

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 03:41:54 GMT

I can't even talk about what's been going on lately.
Men suck.
They're confusing and it's not fair.

College is coming up. I'm nervous and scared, and I think I'm probably gonna cry when my mom leaves me in that dorm.

I hate how I leave messages but people don't call me back.
People are dumb. Whatever.

Going to guitar lessons is a half hour where all my problems seem to disappear and it's only me, my guitar, Andrew and our music. Honestly, he's a sweet guy. I owe him for 2 effen months of payment and I said "I'm sorry, I owe you for this month right?" and he said "Actually, this one AND last month... but listen don't worry about it for now, get it to me when you can because I know you're going to school soon" =) And we can joke around and stuff and it's just really fun.

And OMG. I've always fantasized about someone just calling/texting/IMing me goodnight or good morning. And someone just did that for me. ::sigh:: =) It means alot to me.

I end this entry with thoughts of maybe someday.

AHH!!

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 06:28:26 GMT

AHHHHHH!!!

I'm graduating tomorrow.
David won me a stuffed cow from 6 Flags (field trip) for my grad gift lol!!

And I want this!!:

Go to Gaia.com. It's the Gwee Dragon plushie!

Seriously... with me, stuffed animals is the way to go.
But yeah its effen 2:30 AM. Less than 12 hours till graduation. AH!

night

NEW PIERCING!

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:55:13 GMT

that's right! I FINALLY got my lip pierced. Something I've been wanting to do since 8th grade. I'm glad I waited though, because back then with all my acne issues and shit, I woulda never been able to put up with a metal thing in my mouth... it's a pain in the ass to get used to. You shouldve seen me lastnight trying to eat at McDonalds with DiAnna and Amber. Omg. I BIT the inside metal thing and it KILLED!!

Here's a pic!

Hell yeah ;) I'm going back in 2 weeks to get a ring. The little dot is just for healing purposes. I'm so excited!

And tonight's the senior movie and video, so I'm going to that with my sweetie, and I'm bringing my clothes cuz I'm sleeping over DiAnna's house after!! Something I haven't done in FOREVER. Her friend who is a professional photographer is gonna take pictures of us tomorrow. It's gonna be so fun!!

TATTOO!!!

Thu, 31 May 2007 01:29:22 GMT

Well.. graduation practice was blah.
Guess what senior breakfast was.
3 dry pancakes and 3 little sausage links with a tiny little carton of orange juice that you can get with your lunch. Yeah.

Besides that, me and Amber had a BLAST today! It really helped me get my mind off of a certain.. person. -__-

Lets see. She came over at around 3ish and we made some wicked funny pictures!! (Below)

hahah yess.

Anyways... so after that madness we went to my guitar lesson.
Then came back here.. and when she backed up when we were gonna go to the courts, we didn't know the trash thing was behind us so she HIT it and it got STUCK haha!! Like we couldnt get it out from under there for the lives of us! My grandfather AND my mom both came out and were like wtf? So they helped us, my grandfather hadda jack the truck and everything but it was SO funny!! he said, "You guys are out trashin' around!" LOL! cuz we hit the trash thing.. o my god it was funny.

But we went to the courts finally, and played catch lol! But it got too hot so we decided to go to McDonalds in W Boylston where Ara met up with us for like 2 seconds. Then we went to the Tatoo Place!! ZAZA INK it's called. We looked at designs, and the owner called me "A weird chick" and it was fun.. then we went to Friendly's real quick to get a FREE LATTE cuz they had a sign up!! THEN we went to the fish store to look at goldfishies and then she dropped me off at home.

FUN ASS DAY!!!

And omg tomorrow Dianna's gonna get off the bus with Lut and come to my house where we will proceed to go to ZaZa ink so she can check out the place for herself, cuz we wanna get our tats done together!! Then on Friday I'm gonna sleep over her house and on Saturday her friend is gonna come and take professional photos of us!!! I'm so excited.

Notice something I didn't mention in this entry? It's because I'm done wasting my time feeling like crap about it.

And this is to Jess who I KNOW reads this ocassionally... I love you!! As a friend lol! And you made Quebec unforgettable, and you've been a great friend to me. Thank you.

<3 me

Broken

Wed, 30 May 2007 03:17:05 GMT

So you wanna know how the class trip went?

Well I've come to the conclusion that when it comes down to me needing to someone to talk to about certain things, I don't have ONE friend from my class that I can fuckin go to. I felt misplaced ALL DAY. Sam didn't even seem to wanna be around me. He would rather have stretched his legs out than sit with me on the bus, didn't even talk to me on the bus ALL the times we were on them... and sometimes when we'd walk somewhere he'd like walk ahead of me purposely. No "friends" wanted to hang out with ME, no one asked what was wrong... I take that back, Ashley asked but then when we were suppossed to talk about it, we never fucking did. I'm not mad at her. But I realized when I graduate,
no one's going to miss me.
- People could care less.
And get this... Sam KNEW I had no money, and while we were at the baseball game he bought a burger and fries and only gave me the very bottom, tiny fries at the bottom of the thing and I had to ASK for them. When he ordered he wasn't like "You want some?"... when we sat down, he didn't ask "you want some?" I had to fucking ask otherwise he woulda sat there and ate in front of me.
- But that's not all.
Later, he randomely got up and didnt say "be right back" or say where he was going, so I decided it was a good time to go to the bathroom... and guess what I see when I get back. Sam with a personal sized pizza from Papa Ginos. I sat there, didn't say anything about it, then I asked, "How's the pizza?" and he said "Good". Didn't offer a thing to me. He KNEW I was starving because of the french fry incident.
- And what makes it worse is...
When he got up, he didn't even say, "I'm going to get some food, want something?" I had to ask for a bite otherwise he woulda sat there and ate in front of me AGAIN.

He drove me home from the school, and when I asked for a kiss, he said no. I asked why and he said because he didn't want to. When I asked him if he was mad at me he said,
"I'm always mad at you"
And when he drove away, he peeled out and went like 55 mph on my road with a speedlimit of 30.

=(

Seriously, this all makes me hate myself and want to die.

I don't give a shit anymore, I'm so done. It's nice to know practically no one in my whole class cares about me.

And the one person I love with every piece of me... treats me like an annoying little kid who's always in the way.

The pain is so bad that it feels like my whole body goes numb, then hot, then like I'm falling down a flight of stairs, then like I'm gonna pass out.

I wish I had just fucking stayed HOME!

Who?

Tue, 29 May 2007 04:27:16 GMT

Who else am I ever going to be able to say, "You're SUCH a cute bum" to? =(
Who else would let me play with their tiny chin hairs and call them scrufflies?
Who else would I dedicate hours of my time to, just to make them a slideshow?
Who else could I make my weirdo noises in front of?
Whose arms would I feel like I fit in besides yours?
Where else would I feel like I totally belong besides with you?
Who else would I be able to sing to without feeling afraid?
Who else's bed would I ever want to sleep in?
Who else would I ever love as much as I love you?

No one.
No one.
No one.
No one.
No one's.
No one.
No one.
No one's bed.
No one or thing..

La lala lalalaaa

Tue, 29 May 2007 04:11:26 GMT

Today was the last time I EVER had to march in a parade again. =) *sigh*... of relief.

Sam loved his presents, I'm so glad. (A manga comic called "Rave Master" which I read before giving to him lol) and the slideshow movie thing. I might post it sometime but it's really just for him, so I don't know.

Tomorrow's the class trip... I wonder how that's gonna be. I have to find some clothes that aren't like, scrubby looking. And wtf, no sneakers? What am I suppossed to wear? Maybe a skirt and heels? But what if it's COLD since we're gonna be on a cruise ship?? OYY. I don't know.

I'm also getting REALLY excited for college. I recently started talking to someone up there and he seems nice. I almost just want to skip summer vacation. I mean, all I'm going to be doing is working, and me and Sam aren't gonna be together anymore so I'm going to be super depressed. I already AM.

I did something today at the Boylston parade that I keep telling myself I won't do anymore. But it was just to EASY! Gosh. It felt so wrong. God must be shaking His head in disgust at me... but what's done is done.

Basketball was SO fun today though... me, Sam, Ara and some random kid who showed up at the courts. He was apparently from Worcester Voke. But he was wicked nice and stuff so yeah.

I don't know, I'm just babbling. I'm tired.

Signed, --*Drained*--

my leeegss

Fri, 25 May 2007 13:06:51 GMT

Ok so I walked from my house past Edgebrook, into center of town, halfway up Central St (didn't make it to the intersection), then turned around and went back the way I came... a total of 5 or so miles, 2 and a half hours.

Then...
I went to the fricken MALL with my nana and her friend and walked around for another 2 hours.

THEN...
I went to work and STOOD for 5 hours!!

MY LEGS HURT.

It's complicated

Thu, 24 May 2007 02:26:06 GMT

=( My poor babe. This breaking up thing is really getting him sad. I can see it. I finally understand now. Sam I love you... you don't have to do this. And even if you do and you want me back, I'll go right back to you...

Are you really gonna leave me behind? Am I gonna be the girl in that dusty picture at the bottom of your sentimental stuff box? Will I become a faded memory, just thought of when you hear a certain song? Will you forget the way my hair feels in you face? Will you recognize my number if I called you?

Could you torture me any more than this?
My heart's already a pile of broken pieces.
You've already destroyed me and we're not even "done" yet.

But even though all of that is true, I never want you to leave me, and I'll always love you.
"Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever" -Papa Roach

<3

I got closure

Wed, 23 May 2007 01:56:35 GMT

I think I'm gonna be ok. I really haven't felt this relaxed in a LONG time.
Sam and I.. I guess we really are breaking up after graduation. It's not as bad as it sounds trust me. I asked him tonight on the phone if he's just gonna come up to me and be like "Yeah we're done" and walk away. But he said he had a suggestion which is "What if after graduation we stop calling eachother but if our friends get together and we see eachother, we can still hang out" And I was like you know, that sounds like a damn good idea if we cant stay together. So that's it. But I know what to expect now.

Plus I STILL have a shred of hope. We couldn't stay broken up for longer than a WEEK earlier on in the year. Maybe he'll come back to me again?

Just kill me now

Wed, 23 May 2007 00:44:02 GMT

Yep so nothing went as planned. Sam didn't wanna go to the Deli, so we completely blew off Matt and Alan. We hung out at my house. Then I said some shit I wish I never said and I just wanna hug Sammy =( Work was rather disgusting. I can't stand the smell of deli meat as it is, but being around it for 5 hours straight gave me a headache. I also work with someone who smells of old pee. No lie.

I'm gonna go call Sam and hope he wants to talk to me, and probably go to bed. I'm done.